So I’m off for a bit of time over the holidays which IS WONDERFUL!
Seriously two weeks away from work is just a Godsend and the way things are looking I may be taking a follow up two weeks in January as well.
I’m writing this just before Christmas but next week, I’ll be going for oral surgery and I want to have a second follow up procedure sometime in January as well as going for a full cardiac workup all of which should be either done or close to it by the time this sees the light of day on the blog.
In the meantime, oddly enough, I had two people reach out to me recently which was something of a surprise. In both cases they were two of the great unrequited loves of my life. Two women with whom I spent an inordinate amount of time with but in both instances they were involved with other people and it took me some time in life to realize that this is just a dumb path to follow.
Anyway, one person... she had been in probably one of the most dysfunctional marriages I’ve seen. You never know what goes on between a man and a woman in a marriage but if I was to say that her husband was a stone that was holding her back in life I would be incredibly generous.
Her husband was an ‘artist’ whose medium was oils and who produced a form of ‘modern art’ and truthfully that too is being generous. Over the years they lived in a small apartment, they had a kid at one point but the husband really didn’t want a kid. He was a womanizer, there’s not even a question he cheated and for years she paid for him to have a ‘studio’ where he could indulge in his assignations while they lived in this too small apartment.
Of course he couldn’t work because he had had some injury at one point (TBI) but then, I’ve seen people who are severely handicapped hold a job when there was nothing but a litany of excuses here. I mean she even got him SSI at one point (which is more a commentary on how people game the system) and as sick as he was he always had money for booze and pot.
Anyway, he was in a horrific car wreck and was really left in bad shape. In this case, it’s one of those situations where a person would be better of dying but my friend just couldn’t let go so that very same slavish devotion he took advantage of all during their relationship backfired in a way as she kept him alive for two plus years of nothing more than unending torment.
She passed along a garbage Malcolm Gladwell column at one point, that was nothing more than Anti Italian bias and I called her on it which she didn’t quite like so much and ascribed to other issues.
That was that, shortly thereafter I found myself dealing with my mother’s death and I was just a few short blocks from where she lived but she couldn’t be bothered showing any compassion or support which was surprising given we hadn’t talked in a few months and when her husband was injured I got a late night phone call from her looking for solace.
It wasn’t surprising as much as it was more of the same from another narcissist.
So, recently I just got around to cutting ties as well professionally and surprise, surprise got an email from her. Again, she had taken to posting on Quora and had written a particularly nasty snippet referring to me and about the whole affair over the Gladwell article so it was surprising to see her reach out.
But, narcissists really are unaware of other people so there you go.
I finally got around to responding, I tried not to be nasty or anything but I was clear and I did include what she wrote so she could get the sense that I wasn’t quite as clueless as she would believe and that was that.
Then shortly afterward I received an email from the wife of the King.
I’ve written about the King before:
https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/preview/5165727/940387589983997686
Anyway, somewhere along the line I realized fighting with people really isn’t worth your time which is a precious resource. You’re just better off excising them from your life like an annoying boil, a pain to lance but ultimately you’ll be better off without it after that short period of pain.
I don’t know if life has been all that kind to the King especially not since his ‘company’ wound up declaring bankruptcy but then it was a shell game all along anyway and declaring bankruptcy was just a means of letting others hold the bag.
So, I heard form the King’s wife and I genuinely feel bad for her. Some of the best memories I have include her but while I had always hoped she would soften his hard edges it appears that exactly the opposite wound up happening and she took on all the lesser qualities that he had. It’s just a sad thing.
I mean she was glorious!
Not so much after living with this clown for so long.
Anyway, I got an email and I refrained from a quick response but I was surprised because the time stamp on the email I received was a little after 1:30 in the morning meaning she was bouncing around the house probably a little bit lit and somewhat maudlin when she took it upon herself to write me.
The last time I responded to her I made it clear I understood the untenable position she would be in me not wanting to be around the King anymore and no longer willing to set aside his unsavory behavior but at the same time I made it clear if she found herself in a situation where she (note NOT THEY) needed my help I would provide it.
Again, her email was funny because it was supposedly about her concern for me when it wasn’t about that at all, it was more about her which was fine really but again, fairly transparent. There was more justification for the King but really I won’t have it. He’s one of those people that aren’t worth wasting time or energy on and life is better off without him but it’s amazing how all the people in his orbit walk on eggshells around him because they are afraid of him having a total emotional breakdown and a temper tantrum that would do a two year old proud.
I’m not kidding about that one either.
She’s not doing well though... other stuff happened to her in the last year. I had been thinking about her recently and had done some snooping and what I found was something that made me really sad. She needs to remove herself from that situation, it’s just so unhealthy for her but it’s up to her to see it and make a move. If she did I’d support her but I’m done enabling people anymore. I’m still trying to be a healthy person myself and that’s a full time job.
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